Embarrassing But True

Christmas 1999

Damaged

Do-do you got a first aid kit handy?
Do-do you know how to patch up a wound?
Tell me.
Are-are-are-are you? Are you patient, understanding...

Blech. Girl groups. Worse than boy bands. Not worse because of how hard they blow. Not worse because of the multitudes of gay men in their following. Worse because their tunes are much catchier.
Get the hell out of my head, Pussycat Dolls! Leave me alone, Dannity Kane! Don't even go there, Girlicious!
Even you Destiny's Child, back the fuck off!

She Uses Vaseline?

Watch this.
Watching this video started something. It started my unhealthy obsession with Ms. Banks. I can't get enough Tyra Banks on YouTube. I love her videos, but not because I love her. Have you seen the one in which she cries and tells everyone to "kiss her fat ass"? Have you seen the one in which the porcupine causes her to fall over? Have you seen the one in which the baby grabs her boob? All ridiculous. All solid gold.
I know she's a strong, independent woman (and so is her momma). She reminds us often, but, I mean come on, she's weird, man. Have you seen the one in which she pretends to be Chingy's uncle?
So here's the straight dope. I've been talking to some friends about Ms. Banks and a theory is evolving. According to the reflections, observances, and common sense of friends it has been decided that Tyra Banks is an alien. I know! I know! I've already claimed that Anne Coulter is an alien and a guy is very limited on how often he can play the Alien Card, but listen. It all began when I was watching the Vaseline video and I asked one friend if he thought that she may have been menstruating that day. Eventually we came to the conclusion that Tyra does not menstruate, she lays an egg. I ran this idea by another friend and she postulates that the laying of the egg is a semi-annual event, and the hatchling develops into America's Next Top Model. Case closed.
You may find this a little bizarre and perhaps cruel, but, seriously, have you seen the one in which she gives primordial dwarfs iPod shuffles and make-overs?

Now

I can't hold a banana in one hand and make a turkey sandwich with the other. I just can't do it.

Finally

It's summer.
I'm going to go watercolor.
I'm inspired by fish.
I'm going to go watercolor a fish of summer.
I'm going to give it away to a deserving friend.

Shouldn't Have Done It, Kid.

I was supposed to be challenged. I was supposed to grow. I was supposed to learn.

The validity of my existence was challenged.

I grew more and more bitter each passing day.

I learned to hate myself and my religion.

I See my Breath.

This week's forecast is grim. The rains and cold winds have come and they won't be leaving soon enough. As I walked to class today, I let out a sigh in reply to the weather, and I saw my own breath as if the air surrounding me was spitting in my face. A little part of my soul escaped with that foggy vapor. This puff of warm, depleted air let's me know that this weather is to be the norm for a season. The warm days will be the strange days from now on. I wish I could dig out a hole in a hillside and sleep for the next few months, but modern human institutions (i.e. school, work) won't let me do that. Goodbye, sweet Summer. Hello, cruel Winter.