I leave for a 6 day trip and the University of Oklahoma goes straight to the looney bin.

1.) Girl gives birth to a one-month premature baby in her Walker Tower dorm room. Girl didn't know she was pregnant. How's a girl not know when she's pregnant? According to the OU Daily she just all of a sudden up and started having labor pains and gave birth in the bathroom of her suite. The baby was delivered by her roommate, who, get this, has apirations of becoming an OBGYN. God works in mysterious ways, doesn't he? There's only one girl in my life who could claim to not know she was not pregant and I'd believe her. I'd like to get a peek at the unsuspecting mother, but the Daily has not released her name. I would resort to JuicyCampus.com but this recession has hit us where it really hurts: college gossip websites. Is there a clause in the stimulus package for websites like JuicyCampus and Ruckus?

2.) Apparently a man named Michael Childers attacked a professor. Allegedly there was a gun involved, but eye witnesse claim it looked more like he was tying to push the prof down the stairs of Kaufman Hall. Naturely Ol' boy went to jail, but not before he could update his facebook status, something to the effect of it's all just a bunch of post-Virginia Tech paranoia. Virginia Tech or not, bro, you threatened someone with a gun! If VT had never happened then what? Blame it all on post-JFK assassination angst? I mean really.

I Had a Dream

I was looking at a hill. Over the crest of the hill, I could see something rising as it walked towards me from the other side of the hill. It was an ambivalent alligator with an open mouth. From his open mouth came a lullaby that lulled me into a deeper trance.

I'm starting to hate the future. You get to know people you can never meet. Strangers can see my front door from thousands of miles away. Coke machines are annoying. I blame the atom bomb.