Cuties & Cookies

It's time to face the facts, Earthlings! Welsh Corgis are too cute.

Exhibit A

According to Welsh folklore these stumpy-legged canines were the beasts of burden for fairy warriors riding into battle. Cute little saddles. Cute little stirrups. Dangerous little animals. You haven't even seen a specimen in the juvenile state.

Exhibit B

Disgusting. The flood of joy, the need to protect the seemingly helpless life form, and the baby features that evolution has cruelly and favorably selected are sickening. Humans may have figured Evolution out, even beating the mistress at her own game, but at the end of the day she is our mistress, and a bitch of one. With these cuties on the Cute Market, the value of Cuteness will reach an unprecedented level of cute inflation, ever widening the gap between the cutes and the cute-nots.

In other news, Triscuit will soon wake up to some bad news coming through the alarm clock radio. A competitor is soon to rise. Out of Oklahoma will come a new form of snack cracker, more aptly named: Bread Cookie. What do people love? Since the dawn of time: bread. Since right after that: cookies. It's not a new product, just a better-sounding one.

I'll Get You My Pretty

So I guess Christine O'Donnell once admitted in the past to having "dabbled" in "witch-craft" in the past. Oh brother! News anchors are actually giving this air time. This confession is so weak by the way. As someone who is no stranger to evangelicals and their say-whatever-it-takes tactics, I do not take her the least bit seriously. When I was lost and searching for answers to getting rid of my gay problem, I learned that pastors, evangelists, scare-apists, and lay God warriors will "confess" to having "struggled" with "same-sex attraction" in the past. They only say it to make it seem more possible to come out of being homogay. Give me break! I think most Christian kids who grew up in the nineties remember the big witch-craft/Marilyn Manson/Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Harry Potter scare. I still remember the catchy tune on 91 FM that played during the broadcasts of teens and young adults who told their stories of their witching pasts. So, lay off the phony confession of O'Donnell and start laying into her ignorance of basic science, human sexuality, and domestic and foreign policy.

Time for some humor.

I now present photographic evidence of Christine O'Donnell's dabblings.

These people are jokes, but I'm not laughing.

Saucy Serial Killers

Get a load of these good-lookin' killers!

Randall Woodfield
AKA

The I-5 Bandit, The I-5 Killer
Convictions: Attempted Murder, Second-Degree Robbery, Sodomy, Sexual Assault, Murder
# of victims: 18

Life imprisonment plus 165 years

Gary Steven Krist
# of victims: 1 kidnapping, possibly more than 4 murders
currently in federal prison in Florida, possible parole in Nov. 2010

Charles Schmid
AKA
The Pied Piper of Tucson
# of victims: 5
Stabbed to death in prison.

Ted Bundy
Admitted to 30 murders
executed by electric chair in 1989

Jeffrey Dahmer
17 known victims
murdered in prison by bludgeoning of the head with weight in 1994

I Had a Dream

I was on a planet other than Earth. Unlike Earth's vivid colors, the colors of this planet were dull and poisonous. The sky was a shadowy purple, the trees were murky orange, and the ground was dirty blue. I was a sacred demon. My body was thin and hunched. My face was slanted inward. Large claws grew from my long fingers and sharp, ghastly fangs protruded from my mouth. I was evil; I was sacred. The natives of the planet worshiped me. I was given an area of land that was solely mine. Trespassers were sacrifices. I had an old, dreary house to live in. Two Earthlings, a couple, a blond female and blond male stumbled upon my territory unaware of the sacrilege they had committed or the danger their lives were in. I hunted them down to kill them. The natives of the planet, my devotees, took pity on the ignorance of the Earthlings and protected them by fighting me back with spears. I continuously hunted the couple, but always I was hampered by the natives.

Lexicon

do-mo-sex-u-al [doh-moh-sek-shoo-ul]

noun
1. someone who gives sexual favors out of obligation or pity rather than personal pleasure or desire.

Usage: I slept with George after his grandma died. I'm such a domosexual.
He bought me a really nice pair of shoes, so I slept with him. Was that domosexual of me?

Timeline of the Cosmos

If gravity really is the basis of time.

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